Nasty Elderly Parents and Adult children

February 21, 2007
I’m sick of being nice to my nasty elderly parents
Bel Mooney

Dear Bel,

I am nearly 60, and have a lovely, busy life. My husband and I work part-time, have everything and are very content. The problem is my elderly parents. Do you know Catherine Tate’s character Nan? Or the Old Gits, portrayed by Harry Enfield? What is so funny is also so sad to me – that I have parents just like that. All my life I have been a good daughter to them, but because they are very stridently dominating, I have been constantly insulted by them. Like a fool I have been silent and never answered back. My parents are 81 and 85, with plenty of money to do what they want; they go out every day, are never content with their lot in life and are nasty about everything and everyone. They have no friends, hate the neighbours and do not mix with people if they can help it.

I don’t like or love my parents and it seems that I am the only one who feels this way. My friends are so caring to their parents (even the ungrateful ones) that I wonder where I have gone wrong with mine. I have all the drama of their self-pity, their dislike of my lifestyle, my friends, the way I dress. They say I am so “nice to everybody, but if people knew you like we do, you wouldn’t have any friends!”


(abridged) SOURCE: women.timesonline

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The above was a letter/email to Bel Mooney. Please go to source to read other comments and Bel's response.

It is probable that there are "nasty/difficult" elderly parents. What to do with them is a question that experts in relationships can answer better. Family dynamics can lead to charges of "neglect" or "elder abuse".

Hopefully, if the situation is such that one cannot tolerate the other; perhaps they can leave each other alone. My view is that if there can never be a harmonious relationship, then the adult children must make sure that nothing they do or not do; can be taken as elder abuse. Does that make sense?