Who Are The Elder Abusers?

May 26, 2012
Researchers have estimated that anywhere from five to twenty-three percent of all caregivers are physically abusive. Most agree that abuse relates to the stresses associated with providing care. (AoA, 2012)
Families need to be mindful of the factors that will put caregivers at risk to become abusers.
All family caregivers will be under more stress, especially with regard to finding hours and resources needed to supply care. At some point, they will be compromised by feelings of depression.

When they begin to look at the caregiving as more of a burden than an opportunity for reward, these contributing factors can become especially pernicious:
•    Poor history of coping with stress
•    Depression that does not resolve
•    Lack of support from family
•    Unresolved financial difficulties
•    Alcohol and other substance abuse
•    Marital or family problems
•    Work problems including failure to be present or do job because of family concerns
•    Lack of respite care
•    No tools to deal with behavior problems
•    Physical illness often stress related
•    Social isolation
•    Multiple individuals needing care
•    Lack of adequate sleep
•    Prior dysfunctional relationship between caregiver and the cared-for
Most of us possess the desire to be helpful, but not all of us have the empathy and patience needed to be effective caregivers.
We can learn what it takes but there has to be a willingness to learn. Even then, all of us have various abilities to cope with stress and stress is part of the game when you are caring for a loved one.

If you previously had a difficult issue-filled relationship with the person in your care, those issues  -- both resolved and unresolved - are not going to go away.
Awareness must be brought to bear, especially around role changes. If a wife is now taking care of a husband who was abusive or mean spirited, vengeance can factor in. If a child is now taking care of a parent who was not an especially good parent, again, revenge can become a factor, but just as importantly, that child now caring for a parent may never have experienced what it means to be a good caretaker.
Abuse can be a two way street in the care relationship.
Sometimes in the care situation, especially in cases of dementia, the worse aspects of the elderly one's behavior begins to manifest, even behaviors long buried. Grandchildren are often surprised to discover that their sweet and gentle grandmother has a nasty side to her. Acting out against the caretaker may seem like a new behavior, but it may also be rooted in a less than kind relationship that the grandparent had years ago with her own children.
The bottom line though is that caregiver must always find a way to take the high road. There may seem like there are justified reasons for mistreatment or neglect, but as soon as you find yourself thinking that way you need to draw your feelings back and get some help!

Education, self-awareness, and support are critical needs for all caregivers. You should not be alone and you do not need to be alone. Find out how we can help you maintain a loving and caring relationship with the elderly relative in your care.

 SOURCE:        The ButterflyEffects
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